Sunday, November 28, 2010

Pist OFF Christian

My Hand is Heavy, maybe because I haven't been here in a while. A Old friend of mine once said, "You have to go live the life to create the ART!" Well you can definitely Believe I have been living! My life is not my own but sometimes I wish I could have it back! I once sat under the Brooklyn Bridge with someone I new I wasn't going to marry. My eyes gazed across the water to see I was only on the wrong side. This was temporary. Maybe even necessary. It felt real but I new in the deepest place of me it was seasonal. See in seconds we can ignore pain, in minutes we can bury thoughts, in days we can forget our paths, and in years we can lock away our memories............................................... I have this memory in me, that every time I try to throw away it always finds it way to the surface of my heart. As if there was no closure, as if our time had just began! I'm once again reliving a past that no longer wants me. How was I so mistaken? How was I so Blind? How was I so effected? I feel Like I am rambling and this isn't the TRUTH!! But the TRUTH is I am PIST!!! Yes, I am a Christian that feels Pist OFF and Pist ON! Is that wrong of me to say? Is that wrong of me to be honest with not only myself but the LORD, He who knows the intent of my heart before I speak it. " Fear Not for I am with you," says the LORD. Yet I am not fearful, I'm tired! Yet the LORD says "Wait on the Lord and he will renew your strength, you will rise up on wings like eagles, you will run and not be weary, you will walk and not faint!!".... So I say Lets be honest Lord I am PIST. I look a fool! And the Lord tells me "Humble thyself before the Lord, Be-slow to anger"..... Yet I say I think 3 years is sufficient in being Slow To anger!!! I'm driven Miss Daisy here!! At what point is it Ok for me To GIVE UP!!! At what point Lord Can I be like every other christian you put around me that says I don't want to do it anymore. I don't want to fight anymore. I don't like this.... When is it my turn to have someone hold my hand... When is it my turn to have someone chase after me as I walk away!! When Can I just Be PIST!!! I tried to sing songs this morning of UN-Ending, Un-dyeing, Perfect Love!! I tried to be sincere in my heart. I truly wanted God to hear my heart!!! So the Lord gave me song which words were this....................... I Turn to you My LORD, I wanna Speak You bring the Heavens Joy, You Rain in Me! I kept thinking, I turn to you my LORD I wanna speak, I turn to you my LORD I wanna speak! So I turned and I speak, and this is what came out..
I AM PIST, Mr. I AM.....

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey, Brooke! I definitely empathize with you on this! I hope you find the answer you are looking for...Until then, know that you have a right to be angry/pissed/upset and/or whatever other feelings you are feeling, right now. Just in those feelings, we have to remind ourselves not to forget that He knows and He cares. Your time is coming. That hand (love) you are looking for is coming! I know it! We didn't get a chance to really grow close, but know that I love you, girl, and I wish you the best (because you deserve it). Love you and praying for you and your heart, 'Kiah

abeautifulsubmission said...

hey you know i get it. that honesty opens the door for deeper truth and relationship. intimacy. keep goin and i'm prayin'. :)

BrookeLaurine said...

This was the most healing piece to me. Didn't fix anything but made me except it.. Gave me event more strength to keep going, though I am still angry... Not with God but the situation I am in. But God is sovereign and I trust him to do what is best... God is really showing me how truth is definitely a the biggest weapon against the enemy. If we are true to ourselves, true to the word, and believe the truth we will not be shaken!!!

abeautifulsubmission said...

exactly, cuz u know that it's just a matter of walking it out, not of what the outcome will be.

BreezBlogged said...

A friend told me of this love...a perfect love. An unbiased. Overwhelming. Untamed love. I've seen it...but closed my eyes...and ran away. That tunnel was too dark. I had no trust in the glimmer of light nearer to the end. When I see it again, ill trust in it and walk towards it and ask him to guide me by the hand. Thank you.friend

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